The “Secret” First Step No One Tells You About Weight Loss

How To Find Your Why For Weight Loss
Start Your Journey Off Right

Losing weight isn’t the first thing to think about in your journey. You need to find your “Why” for weight loss first.

This is going to be the thing that gets you motivated, even if your scale is like mine – a dang liar.

When I started this blog, I hadn’t used it in so long that I needed to change out the batteries. And low and behold, changing out the batteries didn’t change its deceptive nature, or more honestly, my ability to lie to myself.

My scale and I have a long history together, for those of you who must think I’m nuts. But at the end of the day, it’s just a number. It doesn’t define my awesomeness.

My scale rating is not my “Why”.

My pant size, on the other hand… well that’s got a bit more pull with me.

Having been a size 7, and walking around with the knowledge that I’m a size 7 gives me this confidence I’ve never experienced.

Whereas saying I’m 200lbs right now, eh… not the same motivation personally. And neither my scale or my pant size are my “Why”, either.

That’s too superficial. We can do much better.

The “Secret” First Step Is To Find Your “Why” For Weight Loss

The “Secret” first step in any journey is “Why are we going?”

Not even where are we going… we’re not even to that point, yet. But why are we going to make the effort in the first place?

And the WHY cannot be because you want your children to be happy or your spouse to love you… sounds harsh, huh?

But that’s the path toward co-dependency. And we’re looking for  a “Why” that leads us to interdependency.

Interdependency Is Amazing

Never heard those terms before? I hadn’t before I went through the gastric bypass process either. Co-dependency can be quickly summed up by saying we love ourselves based on how others love us.

Interdependency is more like, I love myself – period. Caring for your kids or significant other is not the question here. Obviously, we love our families.

But if we say I’m losing weight so I can make (fill in the blank) happy, then when things get hard, resentment begins to bloom. If only they loved me the way I am, I could eat that chocolate.

Well, damn them… I’m eating the chocolate and they can just learn to love my fat behind.

Avoiding Resentment

We’re not here to plant a seed of resentment.

That’s a trap and I’m going to point it out right now so you can recognize it as a trap and avoid it.

Finding your “Why” for weight loss must be something even greater than our love for others – imagine how big this “why” must be! 

It has to be big, because when your feet meet the fire that first time, your “why” will be challenged.

And if you don’t have a good enough answer, you may as well just add chocolate to your diet and save yourself the trouble.

The beauty of a good “Why” is that every time you win the battle, you will have that battle experience to draw upon the next time, and the next.

And you become this amazing pillar of strength – but that pillar must have a great foundation.

What Is My Why Then?

My why is, incredibly, because I loved myself in a size 8/10 more than I love myself at a size 12/14. Truth hurts sometimes. And it sounds ugly, but it isn’t – it’s reality.

I honestly do not love myself as much, and the reasons don’t really matter at this point. Its my motivating factor here. I was more confident, and being more confident makes me happier.

What I’m chasing then is MY personal vision of “Happy Alicia”. It’s how I find my why for weight loss. Finding what makes me happy.

And when I’m staring down that piece of chocolate after a hard day, I’m going to ask myself: will this chocolate make me happier for longer than being a size 8 does?

The answer is no. Which means I will be able to put that chocolate down much easier, or ignore it completely in the first place.

How To Find Your “Why” For Weight Loss

How To Find Your Why For Weight Loss
Why Am I Doing This?

Here are the 7 steps to finding your “Why”:

  1. Imagine the most amazing version of yourself.
  2. Write down what that looks like so you can refer back to it later.
  3. Ask yourself why that person’s life is so amazing (For example, she can fit into the trendy clothes.)
  4. Now, ask yourself why that is such an amazing thing (For example, she can go to any store without problems, or feeling like she doesn’t belong)
  5. Now, ask yourself why THAT was such an amazing thing (For example, she doesn’t stick out in society in a bad way, so people treat her nicer)
  6. Keep asking yourself why that is such an amazing thing until you feel like you have hit upon something really great.
  7. Write down your “Why”, your most amazing version of yourself, and how you feel right NOW.

Still Struggling with how to find your why for weight loss?

Here’s a good one you might want to try out, depending on your situation… “I want to lose weight so that for the first time in my life, I feel loved by someone: me”.

That small statement is crazy powerful – unleashing-a-dragon kind of powerful – when you’re loved unconditionally by someone who can never be persuaded to think otherwise.

I LOVE myself. I’m a badass mother, and I have always got my own back. I will never betray myself, I will not lie to myself, and I am worthy of that kind of love.

And once I figure that out – and really mean it – being a better parent or significant other falls into place naturally.

Am I Self-Centered If I Focus On Myself

Some people might see this as being self-centered or narcissistic.

That word has been so overused and so over applied that it feels like it doesn’t make sense when you say it anymore… but this is neither of those things.

This is intentionally, actively making a shift toward interdependency. And for those who aren’t used to seeing what a healthy, strong, mentally tough person looks like, it can be scary and intimidating.

But no amount of their insecurity can shape our own confidence! We cannot nor will not let them.

Confidence feels rare these days, and as a result, many people have a tough time identifying it. Confidence is when you walk into the room, and no longer rank yourself against anyone there, because you’re no longer competing.

You’re just here, to be you. It’s amazing. It’d be a good why, too – “To have unbreakable confidence”.

Your Challenge

So, here is your challenge right now – I want you to picture the very best version of yourself based on what YOU think he or she looks like, NOT what you think will please others.

You aren’t going to share this with anyone, so if your best version means you have bright red hair and 8 nipple piercings, then that’s ok!

What does your hair look like, what do your clothes look like, how do you hold your body, who is around you or are you by yourself, what are the things you are saying about yourself, how do you treat others – your kids or significant other, what is your pant size or scale rating?

Go Be Awesome!

Now, get out your journal, and write it out in detail! You can revise it as you like, but it’s YOUR private version of amazing.

You get to make the rules here, so do not let outside influences decide for you. We’re going for interdependency here, so it’s all about creating the best version of you, and everything else will follow.

Go figure out your why, and then we will get to the next step: How To Set Realistic Weight Loss Goals!

Size 7, “Happy Alicia”


For most of my life I was overweight. In my 30s, I became morbidly obese, tipping the scales over 330 pounds. After trying and failing at every diet, I decided to get gastric bypass RNY weight loss surgery. Since 2016 I have been living a much healthier life, I hit my weight loss goals, but more importantly, understand weight loss now. I am determined to share what I now know.

Recent Posts

%d bloggers like this: